Facebook share Tweet This Email this
May these quotes about Funniest inspire and motivate you.
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
Please sign-up for my Free Daily Inspirational Quotes and Insights Email on the form below.
Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Don't worry about that chair with a hole in the middle.
It's merely waiting to be reupholstered.
- the movie Casino Royale (1966)
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Thank you for visiting: Funniest Quotes to Inspire and Motivate.
Please sign up on the form below to receive my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Get a Daily Motivational Quote each day by email. (free)
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and
other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.
You may read about our disclaimer, privacy policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, copyright policy, and more.