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May these motivational Funny Motivational quotes inspire you.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Related topics: Funny Cynical Motivational
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
- Ogden Nash
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
The future ain't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body.
- Jim Hayes
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
We have always found the Irish a bit odd.
They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill
I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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