Search using one or two keywords and/or an author last name.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain

Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Motivational Quotes
Motivational Quotes  |  Funny Motivational Quotes  |  Search Quotes  |  Links  |  About
Topics:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Motivational Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Let these Funny Motivational Quotes lighten your spirits while they convey important messages about life.

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
- Zig Ziglar

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.
- Anonymous

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't underestimate your abilities, that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-Erica Jong

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Life's like Vegas.
You're up, you're down, but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- Deconstructing Harry (1997)

You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.
- Dwight Eisenhower

Funny Motivational Sayings

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The road to success is always under construction.
- Lily Tomlin

I love my attitude problem.
- Anonymous

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

- Anonymous

When life gives you lemons, Make Lemonade.
- Anonymous saying

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- The Godfather, Part II (1974)

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't are both right.
- Henry Ford

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
- Woody Allen (Harry Block - Deconstructing Harry - 1997)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
- Yasser Arafat

Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

Thank you for visiting these Funny Motivational Quotes.

Please sign up on the form below to receive my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Get a Daily Motivational Quote each day by email. (free)

Follow by Email:

Motivational Quotes


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and
other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.
You may read about our disclaimer, privacy policy, terms of use, participation in affiliate programs, copyright policy, and more.