Funny Work Quotes

“I hate when I lose things at work, like my temper and my sanity.”

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.”

“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.”

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

“The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.”

“I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.”

“The only thing worse than working with idiots is working alone.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people keep coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.”

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

“The reward for good work is more work.”

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”

“The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.”

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

“I'm not lazy. I'm on energy saving mode.”