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I hope you find these W. Somerset Maugham Quotes inspiring and motivational.
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Related topics: Life Human-Nature Psychology
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks-
if we agree with him.
- Mark Twain
You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh Loud - Laugh Often
Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad
Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man
take which course he will,
he will be sure to repent.
- Socrates
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
We have always found the Irish a bit odd.
They refuse to be English.
- Winston Churchill
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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